By Javit Thao, UW-Oshkosh
As children of immigrants, HMoob students often have a strong motivation to be academically successful, become financially stable, and maintain cultural proficiency. Oftentimes, they feel an immense responsibility to give back to their family, community, and people. This desire can sometimes come from a process that racialized immigrant students experience and often is hard to recognize consciously. Many students have expressed expectations that may force them to give back to exclusively their community. But is giving back something HMoob students do willingly, or is it something that they are pressured into? As it turns out, the answer is complex and nuanced. This existing pressure is often associated with collectivist cultures and aligns with collectivist values of duty, honor, and familial piety; the difficulty comes as the dominant societal expectations in the United States often prioritizes individualism. In doing so, many in the HMoob community have had to contend with the tensions between individualism and collectivism. Which of these philosophies are beneficial and when? Since immigration to America, HMoob people have had to navigate and adjust their relationships to family obligations, career choices, and individual achievements. This cultural development is reflected in interviews from HMoob students at both UW-Oshkosh and UW-Madison and shines a light on the deep complexity within collectivism—the challenge in finding a sense of self while attempting to maintain familial duty. Although, these two major ways of thinking may initially seem at odds, it is not about rejecting one philosophy or another—nor that the belief systems actually are always in opposition with one another. Ultimately, as HMoob Americans, it is about becoming aware of our intrinsic and extrinsic motivators and critically reflecting upon them to ensure that our values and beliefs align with the expectations that may be forced upon us. That way, we can live the lives that we envision for ourselves, and not the one others expect of us.
College-going and Academic and Career Pressures
Many students talked about the pressures from their families to perform well in school as their way to repay their family’s sacrifices. This idea is exemplified as Charlotte, a finance and marketing major, describes their parent’s support. Their story illustrates a picture of why so many students have such strong drives for being academically high achieving:
“I think growing up, I wasn’t always aware of what my parents had sacrificed… my parents gave a lot. My parents sacrificed a lot for us. My dad picked up two jobs—so he would work his…9 to 5, and then he would Uber until, like 10 or 11 at night to support my golfing. And that I will always be so thankful for. And I think for me it’s even an internal thing right now. It’s one of the reasons why I worked so hard because my parents. Because I love them, and because I want to give back to them, and I don’t want their sacrifices to like go for nothing.”
As children of immigrants, students like Charlotte feel a powerful motivation to give back to their parents, which is rooted in love, respect, and appreciation. Or what Drs. Choua Xiong and Stacey Lee call the refugee bargain (forthcoming 2025). This propels forward their desire to pursue financial stability and education. However, when so much is sacrificed, the pressure can sometimes feel overwhelming. It becomes internalized on some level. But even so, for students like Charlotte, it serves as a constant driving force and can be helpful in creating deeper familial bonds and trust. This is especially vital to collectivist culture, which often emphasizes honoring elders and community. For collectivists, autonomy involves doing what is best for the family, and this pressure is important in allowing students to fulfill their familial role. This is opposed to individualist culture, which emphasizes autonomy as doing what is best for the individual, even though it may be appropriately selfish at times. Familial pressure can give students a purpose and direction that is mutually beneficial for both them and their families or culture. Going to university is not just about serving themselves but about gathering experience and knowledge to help others in the future. However, it is not always so simple on the surface. Theo, a medical laboratory science major, helps us better understand this complexity, explaining that,
“I think in a sense, I do think it’s the individual’s interpretation of how their familial pressure that’s put on them, you know…Obviously, your parents want you to go to school. They want you to do this. And in a sense, we say that we’re going to school for them in a way, you know, because they want us to do this. If we suggest oh, I kind of want to go to school for this, but then, [they say] no, don’t do that, do this instead.”
Some students may feel obligated to pursue college for their parents or to serve as role models for others, rather than pursue college for themselves. While this in itself is not unhealthy, it can cause complications for some. The STEM field is one of the major fields that students are pushed into since such occupations are associated with wealth and social status. This ignores whether the students are interested in education at all or the field that is desired by their parents. When this occurs, it is precisely the rigidity of expectations that can be considered unhealthy—when there is no room for conversation or compromise. Even if expectations are not directly verbalized, sometimes there is an implicit belief that the expectations are rigid and cannot be challenged. Thus, when priorities and success are not defined, some may find themselves navigating unhealthy expectations. That being said, it is worth acknowledging that this perspective often comes from a place of compassion, not malicious intent. Many immigrant parents grow up without such advantages and see financial success as the most secure path forward. Following parents’ lived experiences of social and economic precarity, some parents may conclude that academic fields linked to status and wealth are logical paths to ensuring security for their children.
Responding to these pressures, HMoob American students have also expressed their struggles to divert from their family’s expectations. Some participants reported strong beliefs to respect elders, which hinders their ability to directly challenge their parents when they are not in alignment. It makes it all the more difficult to challenge these beliefs when so many HMoob immigrants have sacrificed so much to give the new generations opportunities of education. Theo describes the complicated conflict they experienced in their career choice:
“I feel like we kind of take that in a way where it’s like, damn, they don’t want me to do what I want to do. They’d rather me do this, you know…In a way I get it because I was kind of like that because my parents wanted me to go for nursing because my aunt and my sister did nursing. But I was like, no, I don’t want to do nursing. I’ll go on the medical field, but I don’t want to do nursing and it- they hounded me, you know? They wanted me to go for nursing. They were like, ‘are you going to switch to nursing? Are you going to switch to nursing?’ So, I get it but, in a way, I think people are just kind of scared of disappointing like their family, you know or they kind of succumb to that pressure. So, I can definitely relate to that.”
Much like Theo, many reasons behind college-going experience and major choice amongst HMoob American students are related to a relative going into a particular field and/or for financial reasons. But Theo also manages to touch upon a sentiment reflected in many other interviews that motivates many students: the fear of disappointment.
“I wanna prove it to myself”: Self-worth and the fear of disappointment
While it is a powerful motivator used to propel students to success and out of respect, some of the HMoob students we interviewed described the consequences of familial pressure as an unhealthy view of self-worth. Jennifer explains this in the academic sphere as a dentistry student:
“Sometimes I feel like I’m looking at a long road, and I’m never at the end. But I don’t think I will ever get to the point where I will give up, just because I know that this is something I have to do. This is something that. I, this is my only choice, basically. So, yeah, I don’t think I’m ever going to feel like dropping out, or anything. Just because I know, it’s going to be hard. But once I get to the end, I will feel a lot better. So that’s- even though at the end is far, far away from me. That’s all I’m focusing on: getting to the end, finishing school, just getting there, just doing whatever to pull me and get me out of bed for the next day.”
Especially in STEM fields, there are many students who are very high achieving because of the values and beliefs they are motivated by. The ways in which Jennifer describes their education though suggests some loss in autonomy. Some students may feel like there are no other options; that these expectations placed upon them are very rigid, and that, ultimately, if they do not succeed in a STEM field, they are a failure. This fear of disappointing their parents or becoming a failure can lead to unhealthy pressures to succeed amongst our participants. When self-worth becomes conditional or when a students’ own value depends on their achievement and results, familial pressure can be unhealthy. When their value is dependent on expectations and results, a HMoob students’ sense of self-worth can become fragile, and this can lead to both overwhelming emotional and relational strains, as well as possible limits in growth in personal life. For example, Jennifer adds:
“I feel like it’s me just pushing myself. I definitely lose motivation here and there, and when I feel myself losing motivation, I get very sad and disappointed in myself just because I’ve always been so hard on my education. I feel like my parents, I want to make them proud. I wanna make them happy. I wanna prove to everyone that I did it and I also, really, just wanna prove it to myself.”
This feeling of sadness and disappointment is something many students like Jennifer may have internalized, and it can be an isolating experience. Many students feel fully responsible for their success or failure and asking for help puts them in an uncomfortable position. Such feelings of failure are associated with students’ experiences of cultural isolation and loneliness (UWO Paj Ntaub Report, 2025). Students may feel an overwhelming weight to sacrifice and push through because of their parents’ sacrifices and what their parents expect of them may be what students cling on to as motivation, even if that future is not guaranteed. Navigating familial pressures and questioning their self-worthiness, students like pre-med Gloria, struggled to seek help when faced against financial hardship.
“As of right now, I don’t like people helping me financially. It makes me feel like I’m in debt to them, and I feel pretty bad that I’m asking them to help me pay for my tuition or for stuff in general.”
Asking for help feels like an unpayable debt rather than exercising Gloria’s autonym to obtain appropriate financial assistance. Additionally, Gloria describes what may be further negative internalized beliefs: fear of being a burden on others for asking for money or perhaps shame and feelings of weakness. While collectivist culture does often emphasize community, many HMoob students still feel a responsibility to be independent and not become a burden on others. On top of that, still active members of the community. Amanda is a nursing student who exemplifies some of these themes. Their decision in attending UWO was because:
“I didn’t wanna be far away from my family like that…Especially with traveling because I know this past year we had a lot of hu plig’s and weddings and stuff. I wanted…, and because I’m the oldest daughter…so then it’s like I need to be there in a way, you know?”
Amanda expresses a responsibility that HMoob students may feel forced into and how sometimes they may feel burdened by familial duties. Being an eldest daughter, Amanda’s role in their household is to support family events and they feel highly motivated in this. Family events are a huge part of HMoob culture and often a strong bonding experience. However, the language they use to describe this responsibility illustrates some hesitancy to participate completely willingly. Zoua, a kinesiology major, reflects upon this familial role in a similar way:
“Oh, yeah, I definitely made a lot of sacrifices for senior year…But the other thing that was also happening over summer is that my parents need help with the farm too. So, it’s kind of hard to balance, like, I will do practices in the early morning, and I come home. And my brother, we go straight to the market or the farm. So, it was a lot. And sometimes there’s…my parents would be like, ‘Oh, like, why do you keep doing this’- like? ‘Don’t you know I need help?’ So, in a way, kind of feels like they’re guilt-tripping you. But then, same time, it’s like, you know, I really love them- really want to help them. But the same time, I also want to do these things too. So, there’s definitely been days where, you know, I got frustrated, or just like trying to balance and do out the most. And so, I do find myself getting tired as some days, and I’m just like, I just want to sleep in, or something like that.”
Again, Zoua describes some unwanted pressure that can exist in having to give back to the family and how this can lead to emotional or physical strain. Their assistance aligns with their role in their family and who they might strive to be, but it can also at times feel like a rigid expectation, especially when it does not feel like there is freedom in doing other things Zoua enjoys.
Extrinsic Motivations, Intrinsic Motivations, and their Alignment
Although sacrifices are made for the family’s sake, Zoua offers some nuance in how this sacrifice is both intrinsically and extrinsically motivated. The ways in which their family guilts them is not always preferrable, but there is also a deep compassion and understanding in the familial roles that HMoob students are willing to fulfill. There is not a “good” and “bad” guy. Zoua’s story shows that too much external pressure might feel overbearing, but they also expressed that this pressure is a catalyst for them to actually reach their academic goals. Paj Zaub, a social work major, also details this complexity in extrinsic and intrinsic motivations:
“And at first, I felt like, okay, I have to go [to college]. I have to go because my parents want me to go. But never really ask myself like, do I want to go? So, this semester really taught me or like, showed me that, no I really did want to go because of this because of the fun I’m having for class.”
Although extrinsic expectations may not always align with what students intrinsically desire, Paj Zaub helps demonstrate the nuance of motivation; sometimes the expectations placed upon us end up aligning with our desires and what we envision for ourselves. Motivations from external expectations are not strictly bad just because they come from outside us. Too much external pressure might feel overbearing, but without it, students might feel they aren’t properly fulfilling their role to an extent. HMoob parents and culture have strong intent and history which dictate the values and wisdom passed down, and to outright reject these ideas despite living in a western-dominated society would ignore the complexity in these differing cultures. That is precisely why for other students, their motivation is rooted in a good or service that they can provide for their culture and community. As a studying dentistry student, Jennifer has observed that from their own experience:
“my family doesn’t go into the dentist at all, unless they have a toothache or something bothering them. But they don’t do daily checkups. They don’t do daily cleanings. So, I feel like once I enter this profession, I will be able to educate the HMoob community a little bit more, and especially help my family bring them in. And just kinda help them with their oral health a little bit better, just because I just feel we really don’t take care of our teeth as much as we should be.”
This is one of the primary motivators for Jennifer and is a common trend among many other HMoob students. Especially in the health field, many students choose their career with the intent to serve in some way their minority community. They may also share their poor and positive experiences in healthcare that inspired their passion. Outside of the professional and financial benefits that students gain from college-going experience, cultural motivations are also highly prevalent. These may start out as external expectations placed on students but sometimes grow into strong intrinsic motivations. For Yia, an Asian languages and cultures major, the pressure to represent their culture and give back to it gives them a sense of purpose. To them, language is vital:
“I don’t want it to go to waste. I don’t want, you know I don’t want to see a future where you know HMoob kids don’t know how to speak HMoob, and you know everything that our parents and our elders worked for is lost, and we become all assimilated. And we’re just another, you know. We’re just another Asian person walking down the street. We’re no longer a HMoob person. We no longer have that identity. We no longer have that long, rich history of survival.”
Taking HMoob language classes allowed Yia to critically think about the community and blossom a passion. For other students like Sonny, an environmental engineering major, being a minority in white-dominated environments in Midwestern universities
“gives me that extra step to like to move on and like go forward to attain my goal. Yeah, because I mean I’m not white, you know. Like a rich—I don’t have that generational money, you know. Just kind of like I’ll be out here. Do my own thing.”
Students like Sonny feel pride and confidence in their culture, and this allows them to reach higher heights. Their culture and background make them unique, and the pressure from family and the community can actually serve as support.
Racialization
Despite the best intentions to learn about HMoob history and language, HMoob students are still racialized as Asian Americans whose careers are defined by how much they can contribute to their racial and ethnic community. Xai, describes this experience as a film major:
“I actually have a friend of mine from high school who is HMoob, and his dad lives here. They live here in town, too. And his dad actually does film, too. So I have been talking to him a lot, and he wants me to come along to be a producer for his film and stuff. But he wants an all-HMoob crew and cast and stuff. And I feel passionate to do it, because I am participating alongside other HMoob people. But at the same time, I’m like- I don’t. I’m not doing this to work with- necessarily just work HMoob people and stuff. I’m doing this because of my passion for filmmaking and stuff. So there is a pressure on me to do this for my community and stuff. Do things that are- tell stories about HMoob people and stuff. But I’m just here to just tell stories of all people.”
This conflicting feeling that Xai describes is an internal pressure and subtle form of racialization which describes how students may feel pressured into working for “their culture.” This implies a separation between HMoob students and other students in the same major and may signal that HMoob students are not qualified to work for anyone but minorities. While this purpose to work for the HMoob community may be an intrinsic motivation commonly shared, it fails to recognize a population of students who, like Xai, are not in an industry “to work for their community.” By refusing to acknowledge this racialized expectation, it may pigeonhole HMoob students into working only for “their people,” when that may not be their intention in the first place. It is not an argument about what is fitting or right, it is a matter of if these expectations align with what the student intrinsically desires. This racialization comes from both people within and outside the HMoob community, and so it makes it all the more difficult to ignore. In an autoethnographic written by myself, I came to this conscious realization:
“when I had discussed this blog post idea…and I talked to two other Hmong staff afterwards during dinner, they had repeated the same assumption almost reflexively after me mentioning my passion for psychiatry and medical school. The idea of ‘it’s great you’ll do work for the Hmong community.’ Even if they didn’t say it verbatim, I felt they had heavily implied it and/or already assumed that that was my intention. Although I do not blame them whatsoever- it is such a reflexive thing- it frustrated me a solid bit. Even after I had explained this concept and somewhat my feelings, people had still made the assumption.”
It is worth recognizing that this racialization is not always ill-intentioned; oftentimes, it comes from this progressive idea which declares an importance in minorities having representation for other minority populations. It’s not at all malicious and intends to champion HMoob representation in the community and the world. But regardless of its intent, it can still add to the often hefty pressures that HMoob students already carry. The reason why this issue is often overlooked may be partially because of how automatic this pressure is, which is not a criticism of the pressure itself. Rather it is an attempt to acknowledge how students may feel their heritage must define their career path and community they work with, and how common this reaction can be.
Conclusion
The reasons as to why HMoob students gain such strong motivations widely vary but are largely defined by the academic, financial, and cultural beliefs that collectivist and immigrant cultures often hold. Students often feel immense pressure to give back to their community as a result of the advantages they were given. Sometimes they may even feel that based on racialized expectations, their culture defines their future career. But as we have discovered through student interviews, this pressure to give back is very complex and varies amongst the population. Many students want to fulfill their familial roles which often originate from collectivist culture, but they also desire a unique sense of identity—something not exclusive to individualist culture but highly influenced by it. This tension reflects a unique culture and environment that HMoob students must navigate when so many ideas and philosophies seemingly often clash but also, paradoxically, align. But no matter the parts of varying cultures we may think are acceptable or revisable, at the end of the day, the greatest changes we can make are the ones internally. Let us practice awareness of ourselves, our motivations, our beliefs, and our values. And let us acknowledge the expectations placed upon us, how they make us feel, and if they align with what we want our future to be. There is so much noise that exists outside in the world that we live in today, and often one of the greatest things we can do is sit in silence. Can we ourselves clearly articulate and distinguish our intrinsic versus extrinsic motivations? Pressure is neither inherently good nor bad, but the way in which we recognize and interact with it can make a world of difference in our senses of self-worth and purpose.